Significant Emotional Events are Painful
Unlocking the Power of Inner Leadership: My Experience of a Significant Emotional Event
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In 2018, my world was shaken to its core. I experienced a Significant Emotional Event that disrupted every aspect of my life – my emotional, mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing. It was a journey that challenged me to the very core of my being.
Little did I know that this event would not only challenge me, but also offer valuable insights into the concept of Significant Emotional Events itself, a subject I’d previously researched and shared with my clients on self-leadership and building resilience. The vast majority of my research focused on the work of Dr Morris Massey.
What is a Significant Emotional Event?
Dr Massey, a renowned scholar in the field of values development, defines a Significant Emotional Event as:
“an experience that is so mentally arresting that it becomes a catalyst for you to consider, examine, and possibly change your initial values or value system.”
I can say, without a doubt, that’s what I experienced.
Dr Massey and Significant Emotional Events
Significant Emotional Events and Values
Our values guide our approach to life and relationships. They inform our way forward through the many choices we are offered every day. You could say they make up a large part of who we are, and how others view us.
Massey believes our values are developed during three major periods:
- The Imprint Period – 0-7 year old. During this time, we’re like sponges, absorbing everything around us and accepting much of it as true. Especially when it comes from our parents.
- The Modelling Period – 8-12 years old. In this phase, we copy the behaviours of those around us, including our parents, and other influential figures, like teachers.
- The Socialisation Period – 13-21 years old. Our values are significantly influenced by our friends, media, technology, music etc, and we tend to naturally gravitate to people who seem more like us.
Unless a Significant Emotional Event occurs or we make a conscious effort to adjust our values; Massey believes we live our life modelling the behaviours formed from our values. He says they are reflected in our perspectives, work ethic, and communication style.
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Significant Emotional Events are Painful
But this was my Significant Emotional Event, and it didn’t make sense.
My Personal Experience
My Significant Emotional Event felt like someone had thrown my deck of values cards up in the air, and I was left waiting for them to land in a new order.
This internal chaos was consistent with what I knew and taught others, so I knew my experience wasn’t out of the ordinary. Despite knowing the work of Massey, I hadn’t realised how much a Significant Emotional Event could cause me to re-evaluate my values and my behaviours.
It pushed me to question who I was and how I approached life.
Significant Emotional Events Examples
As I grappled with my own personal event, I began to appreciate how Significant Emotional Events, though deeply personal, could resonate with others.
Events such as births, deaths, marriages, divorces, separations, illnesses, or a child leaving home have the power to shake somebody’s world, promoting them to think, behave and feel differently.
When this happens, everything changes for that person. But the rest of the world continues, oblivious to the internal turmoil they might be experiencing.
To be notified when the Significant Emotional Events Workbook is launching, and receive my weekly insights, sign up to my Nudges for Leadership Success here
My Journey Back to Alignment
Two months earlier, I was so focused on my work. There was also the preparations for getting ready to celebrate Ad Florem’s 3rd birthday.
I wouldn’t have considered stepping back from my business. In the time I’d been running Ad Florem, it had never crossed my mind to:
- Not log on my computer or follow up on emails
- Stop sharing my insights in my weekly email
- Or clear my diary of client appointments for a month
That wouldn’t have felt right.
But for that particular month, that’s exactly what I did.
I couldn’t relate to my work. I’d walk into my office, and the energy I usually felt was missing. And I’ve always said “if I don’t feel energised by it, I’m not going to believe in it and I won’t perform at my best.” So, staying true to myself, and in alignment with my values, I made the unconventional choice to step away from work during that month.
I know for sure, it was right for me.
With time, my energy gradually returned, and I started to find value in my work again. I asked people around me to bear with me as I reflected, refocused, adjusted and accepted my Significant Emotional Event. The re-evaluation process would take time.
My mum’s last words to me were “go and enjoy yourself, and keep improving yourself” and that’s exactly what I am going to do.
Remember, the choice is yours
Do you remain overwhelmed by your emotions, feeling all alone and not knowing what to do next? Or, do you dive deep into your Significant Emotional Events, opening up to vulnerability and exploring what’s there?
Whichever path you choose, embrace it wholeheartedly.
I truly believe that if you move away from thinking you have to deal with everything on your own and instead face and understand your Significant Emotional Events, it’ll spark a big change in your life. You’ll find resilience you never knew you had, build stronger connections with your loved ones, and open up a path to a more fulfilling future.
It’s about embracing vulnerability, on your own terms.
Remember, it all starts with you. That’s the secret to Great Leadership.
I appreciate your time and engagement in reading this post. As you’ll know, I’m on a mission to empower individuals like you to thrive in your personal and leadership journey. My work is fuelled by your support, so if you found this blog post valuable and would like to support my efforts in creating more content like this, consider buying me a coffee – every cup counts!
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About Andrea
Over the last two decades, I’ve supported Executives and Leaders across the NHS, private health, Local Government, transport, consultancy, sports, education, engineering, and marketing.
These have included leaders with job titles like Executive Directors, Clinical Leads, Headteachers, Consultants, Heads of Department, and Managing Directors.
I’m a firm believer that Great Leadership starts with you, which is why I’ve designed the “5 Principles of Great Leadership” – my unique perspective on leadership that emphasises the importance of your inner world (aka the ‘internal stuff’).
If you choose to embrace the ‘internal stuff,’ awaken your inner leader, and put yourself at the heart of leadership, let’s chat! Schedule a 30 minute complimentary call with me to explore how I can help you thrive as a leader by focusing on you.
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Very nice 👌.
Thankyou so much – so pleased you liked it 🙂
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Thanks for sharing – it’s so true, these type of significant emotional events really do catch us off guard, and shake us to the core.
SO HELPFUL…….🙂❤️🌟THANKS
You’re more than welcome. When we stop to notice and tap into our inner self, that’s when the real work starts.
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That’s so true, and why we need to take time out to process